Tools of the Trade

An overview of necessary equipment and how it can be used…

 

The STAPLER

What it’s for: holding pieces of paper together permanently, or until someone needs to remove them, in which case you are referred to the staple remover part of the site.

Alternative uses: Unlimited. The stapler is in different strains colourful, weighted and fairly easy to sabotage. As a sabotage approach, simply over fill it with staples or try to staple too many pieces of paper together. This should jam it and cause all sorts of chaos for your office to be distracted by.

How it works: The plastic or metal body of the tool is built around a complex metal infrastructure that houses a staple channel. When the body is pressed together, a metal base rotates at the front of the stapler and after a series of small physics related actions, the pieces of paper are secure.

Rate of use: I would be nothing without my stapler.

Potential stapler emergencies: No one knows where it is. There are no staples left inside the stapler. Someone has accidentally stapled through their own hand (this has actually happened, though I think it was part of a creative intention to leave work early). The stapler has jammed.

Simple resolutions to common problems:

  • Request that the person who cannot find the stapler has a good look round before raising the alarm.
  • Direct the person with an empty stapler to the place where staples are kept and ensure they take a box away for their own use (this shows trust in that person that they can handle a stapler all by themselves which they will love without realising it).
  • Ignore the person with a staple through their hand – we all crave attention, but sometimes just leaving the toilet with teary eyes is far enough.
  • The only semi-challenge that truly emerges from the stapler: pull it open, pull out the now wonky or chewed staple and throw it in the bin. Check it works. Ignore the praise for clearing the stapler. Don’t come down to their estimations of you.

Could be outdated by: An extremely clever paper clip, or flattened bulldog clip. Or you know, that paperless office stuff.

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